Title: Airline mechanics and pilots
Post by: TX-FlightRisk on September 09, 2003, 12:18:18 pm
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the
flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the
problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before
the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints
and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by
maintenance engineers.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
************************************************
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
S~
TX-FlightRisk
Black 3
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the
flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the
problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before
the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints
and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solution recorded by
maintenance engineers.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
************************************************
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
S~
TX-FlightRisk
Black 3
Title: Re: Airline mechanics and pilots
Post by: Seeker on September 09, 2003, 12:36:14 pm
LMAO. Thats good stuff.
Title: Re: Airline mechanics and pilots
Post by: TX-EcoDragon on September 09, 2003, 12:40:05 pm
LMAO!!(but actually its called a Squawk sheet)S!TX-EcoDragonBlack 1TX Squadron XO
Title: Re: Airline mechanics and pilots
Post by: TX-Deck on September 09, 2003, 12:49:44 pm
Rich man, rich! Thank you for the good laugh this afternoon.TX-Deck out.
Title: Re: Airline mechanics and pilots
Post by: TX-Kingsnake on September 09, 2003, 01:32:04 pm
Every subculture has its parlance. Good stuff.TX-KingsnakeWhite >+
Title: Re: Airline mechanics and pilots
Post by: TX-Zen on September 09, 2003, 05:58:48 pm
lmaoTX-ZenBlack 6