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TX-CUDA
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« on: October 17, 2004, 03:20:05 am » |
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....these ads ran in the last issue of the "Seabreeze News" that is published in Bacliff,Texas. Just south of Houston on Galveston Bay...
TOO LATE TO CLASSIFY
Legally Spank your children! Little known document shows that you can spank children, speak your mind, own guns, and do other cool things legally! Send $5 cash to US Constitution, PO Box 5276, San Leon, Tx 77539
Illiterate? Write today for free help. PO Box 5276, San Leon, TX 77539. Blondes enclose $20.
For sale by owner: Complete set of Funkin Wagners encyclopedias. 32 volumes. Excellent condition. $400.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married recently, wife knows everything. 281 339-0491
Wanted: Free furniture, bedding, kitchen table, color TV, etc. Call 281 339-0491
Start your own multi-level pyramid scheme using mail order.
Small investment returns millions to average investors. Act now and get a free pencil.
Rush $100 cash to:
Unlimited Improprieties, Inc.
PO Box 5276
San Leon, TX 77639
YOU ARE THE MAN
Yo homey, looking for a way to chill & get paid? Now you can get some ends together with a gig in your own hood! Thats right, you can sell doors, door-to-door.
Call 1-800 WASSUP
Make Money placing classifieds send $5 for free details. PO Box 5276, San Leon, TX 77539
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LOST PETS: $300 reward for safe return of two ten foot Congolese Pythons that escaped in Bacliff last month. The male answers to the name Look-out!. Both snakes are dangerous and possibly hungry.
Train to neuter pets in your spare time at home, for FUN and PROFITS! 281339-0491
Washer & Dryer for sale: joining nudist colony, wont need them. $300 OBO. Call: 281 339-0491
High-turnover grill needs cooks, waitresses, bar and bus help. Part time or full time needed immediately. Prefer someone who cashes their paychecks out of town to give us a few days to cover them. Successful candidates who last one month without being fired or quitting will be named employee of the month, promoted to manager, and then terminated. 281 339-0491
Wanted. Person to take care of potbellied pig that does not smoke or drink. 281 339-0491
LOST: A large roll of cash, nearly $600, in the Bacliff area recently, by my wife, Gina. I really need this money returned, as it was going to be used to purchase a new motor for my fishing boat. So if you found a bunch of money, do the right thing and give me a call. Jerry, 281 339-0491 after 5pm,
Needed: Kitchen Appliances:
I have a large roll of cash, nearly $600, and would be interested in buying a nice matching range and side-by-side refrigerator for my kitchen. Must be in nice shape. Call Gina, before 5pm, 281 339-0491
Southern College of Auto Mechanics provides expert training in the lucrative automotive repair industry. SCAM Certified mechanics often earn over $40,000 per year, and spend as much time sitting on their asses as the Maytag guy. Learn to convincingly say things like the module is cheap, under $300. Its the installation thats gonna cost ya; or the tranny seems fine, but it still has to be replaced, or youll end up with real problems. Classes are forming now hurry up!
Call: 281 339-0491
FREE MacHappy MEAL!
With purchase of three-bedroom home or any commercial property
Limit one.
Janner Realty, 281 339-0491
Small, funny-smelling furnished apartment for rent by nosy landlady who snoops and pries and reads your mail. Need first, last, and middle name + dep. No smoking, no pets, no children, no drugs or drinking, no musicians, no shack-ups, or anything else loud or unusual. 281 339-0491
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy. Call: 281 339-0491
Galveston Bay is the breathtaking backdrop for the Stillwater Beach resort. Swim in our lovely pool while you drink it all in. 281 339-0491
Duck Rentals 281 339-9065
Revenge Inc. is a private detective agency that assists clients in getting legitimate revenge after they have been wronged. We operate legally, and in absolute confidentiality. Rates are reasonable, and consultation is free. If interested, please reply to: Dept. 40, PO Box 5276, San Leon, Tx.
2 Straight Guys Decorating Agency interior design that features lots of beer signs, recliners, pool tables, and leather. 281 339-0491
Experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. 281 339-0491
For Sale Married, female, blowup sex doll. Comes complete with headache, cramps, yeast infection, and PMS. Doll also has recorder that says You make me sick! and You will never amount to anything! Call 838-649-2817 and make offer.
For Sale Drug Running Boat -- 38 long Cigarette Boat runs 85 MPH. Complete with sonar, radar, and night vision capabilities. Will sell cheap, need bail money. Contact Galveston County Jail and ask for Carlos in cell #10-N.
Nudity For America It is a sin for a Taliban or traditional Muslim to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So, each Saturday in August and September, at 3 PM, all American Women are asked to walk around their block naked for one hour. This should weed out any and all neighborhood terrorists.
Paid for by the Bay Area Sightseeing Committee
TX-Cuda
Minister of Information
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