Post your best zingers

[TX-BlackKnight]

1. Isn't having a smoking area in a restaurant kinda like having a peeing area in a pool?

2. If Rogain worked so well wouldn't there be a bunch of guys also with hairy palms?

3. I may not go down in history..but I will go down on your little sister. (Sorry,sick... but when I read that I busted up laughing )

4. Didn't I tell you ? ( No ) Oh, I guess then it was none of your f***ing business ! ( my all time favorite ! )

Was bored so was reading this snappy comeback site......


Black2

 

[TX-EcoDragon]

Q: What's the difference between a gynecologist anda genealogist?> > A: A genealogist looks up the family tree, and agynecologist looks up> the family bush.> > **********> > Q: What do Disney World & VIAGRA have in common ?> > A: They both make you wait an hour for a five minuteride.> **********> > Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and apeeping Tom?> A: A pick pocket snatches watches.> > **********> > Q: How can you spot the blind guy at the nudistcolony?> > \A: It's not hard.> > **********> > Q: Which 3rd grader has the best body, the blonde,brunette or a> redhead?> > A: The blonde -- she's eighteen.> > **********> > Q: Why don't Baptists make love standing up?> A: Because it might lead to dancing.> > **********> > Q: What is the difference between women andcomputers?> > A: A woman will not take a 3.50 inch floppy.> > **********> > Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife anda Jewish wife?> > A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fakejewelry.> > **********> > Q: Why are New Yorkers always depressed?> A: The light at the end of their tunnel is NewJersey.This older Jewish man was on the operating table> awaiting surgery and he> insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon,> perform the operation. As he> was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to> speak to his son.> > "Yes Dad, what is it?"> > "Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just> remember, if it doesn't go> well, if something happens to me ... your mother> is going to come and live> with you and your wife....". George Carlin Strikes Again...> Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little> > bottles of Evian water?> Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE> > Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing> section > in a swimming pool?> > OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the> Tampa > Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the> Tennessee > Titans ?> > If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one> enjoys > it?> > There are three religious truths:> 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.> 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the > Christian faith.> 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at> Hooters.> If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,> does he > become disoriented?> If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from > Holland called Holes?> Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?> Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?> If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?> When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?> Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?> Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale> bread to begin with?When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?> Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?> Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?> If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it> follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?>If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?> Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?> What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little > spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?> Toothpicks?> Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What> are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?> If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly> are the > others here for?> You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.> Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't> zigzag?> Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?B~

[TX-BlackKnight]

Oh my God ! Some of those are Killer ! Thanks Eco !!!Black2B~

[WUAF_Cpt_Mantis]

LMAO funny...i repeated these to my friends and they couldnt stop laughing at themWUAF_2Lt_MantisWorld United Air Forces2nd lieutenant11 Medals

[TX-Zen]

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. >                 > 2. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative. >                       > 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" >                       > 4. I don't do drugs anymore...I get the same effect just standing up fast. >                       > 5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." >                       > 6. I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here. >                       > 7. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. >                       > 8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? >                       > 9. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected. >                       > 10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and sh#@thead's. >                       > 11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. >                       > 12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect. >                       > 13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. >                       > 14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? >                       > 15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? >                       > 16. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. >                       > 17. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!" TX-ZenBlack 6TX Squadron CO

[TX-Zen]

>Dear Abby:> > I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next > month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really > great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding > together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation > list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it > to be. When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed > it down to just under a hundred ... then she floored me. > She said that in a month I would be a married man and that > before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she > just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that > I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. > I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that > I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight > out the front door ... > There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law > to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be > sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. > I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little > test. > Abby, should I tell my fiancee' what her parents did, and that > I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my > character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including > the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to > get a condom? > > Signed, > Confused in Carlstadt TX-ZenBlack 6TX Squadron CO

[TX-Zen]

 Never too old. An 80-year old guy goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" "I'm a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." "Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" "Who said my dad's dead?" The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive? How old is he?" "He's 100 yrs old," says the old golfer. "In fact, he golfed with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive... he's a golfer too." "Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?" "Who said my grandpa's dead?" Stunned, doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather'sstill living! Just how old is he anyway?" "He's 118 years old," says the old golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point and says, "So, I guess he wentgolfing with you this morning too?" "No... Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married." The doctor can hardly believe it. "Got married!! Why the hell would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?" "Who said he wanted to?"  TX-ZenBlack 6TX Squadron CO

[TX-CUDA]

...good lord!! I needed this!!...B~Rocky...TX-CUDA on UBITX-CUDA on HyperLobby